Self-Compassion
Kristin Neff · 2011
Self-Compassion (2011) is a book by Kristin Neff on Self-compassion. Kristin Neff argues chasing self-esteem, feeling special, above average, better than others, is a fragile trap, and that treating yourself as you would a good friend delivers the resilience and motivation we wrongly seek from it.
Stop grading yourself and start befriending yourself, the research on why kindness, not the inner whip, is what actually makes you resilient.
Two of the ideas you’ll keep
The Clif summary of Self-Compassion pulls out 7 insights. Here are the first two.
- Self-compassion has THREE required components, each a healthy pole against an unhealthy one: self-kindness vs. self-judgment, common humanity vs. isolation, and mindfulness vs. over-identification. Drop any leg, usually mindfulness, and the practice collapses into either wallowing or bypassing.
- The core distinction from self-esteem: self-esteem is a GLOBAL evaluation contingent on success, social comparison, and feeling above-average, so it abandons you when you fail. Self-compassion is non-evaluative, non-contingent, and non-comparative, most available exactly when you fall short.
The other 5 — and the full 11-minute summary — are in the app.
What’s inside: 8 chapters
The whole summary runs about 11 minutes, read or listened to.
- Ending the Madness of the Inner Critic
- Being Kind to Ourselves
- We're All in This Together
- Being Mindful of What Is
- Opting Out of the Self-Esteem Game
- Why Kindness Beats the Whip
- Compassion for Others, Compassion at Home
- The Butterfly Emerges
Finish Self-Compassion tonight.
Read or listen to the full summary in about 11 minutes, then keep the ideas with a minute of review a day. Start with the 2-minute quiz — no card required.
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