How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish · 1980
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (1980) is a book by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish on Parenting. The definitive playbook for parent-child communication: a set of concrete, scriptable techniques that replace nagging, threats, and power struggles with respect, cooperation, and real connection.
The definitive classic on parent-child communication; concrete, scriptable techniques.
Three of the ideas you’ll keep
The Clif summary of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk pulls out 8 insights. Here are the first three.
- Acknowledge feelings before fixing anything: name what your child feels ('You sound really frustrated') instead of denying it with 'You're fine' or 'Don't be silly', accepting an emotion is what actually defuses it.
- When a real solution is impossible, grant the wish in fantasy ('I wish I could make this rain stop right now'), it shows you understand the longing even when you can't grant it.
- Engage cooperation by describing the problem, giving information, or using a single word ('The towels are wet on the floor' or just 'Pajamas!') instead of blaming, lecturing, or commanding.
The other 5 — and the full 10-minute summary — are in the app.
What’s inside: 8 chapters
The whole summary runs about 10 minutes, read or listened to.
- The Approach: Respect Over Control
- Help Kids Deal With Their Feelings
- Engage Cooperation Without the Power Struggle
- Alternatives to Punishment
- Encourage Autonomy
- Praise That Actually Builds Kids Up
- Free Children From Playing Roles
- Putting It All Together
Finish How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk tonight.
Read or listen to the full summary in about 10 minutes, then keep the ideas with a minute of review a day. Start with the 2-minute quiz — no card required.
More on Parenting
-
The Whole-Brain Child Daniel J. Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson Neuroscience-based, practical strategies for nurturing a child's developing mind. -
The Good Divorce Constance Ahrons The book that replaced "broken home" with "binuclear family", proof that what wrecks kids is not divorce itself but the war their… -
Between Parent and Child Haim Ginott The book that taught a generation of parents that how you say it matters more than what you say, and that a child's feelings are… -
Good Inside Becky Kennedy Clinical psychologist Dr. Becky hands you a single, radically kind idea, your child is good inside, and so are you, then turns it… -
Hunt, Gather, Parent Michaeleen Doucleff A science journalist trades Western parenting exhaustion for the calm, cooperative wisdom of Maya, Inuit, and Hadzabe families… -
Knocking on Heaven's Door Katy Butler A journalist watches a $12,000 pacemaker keep her demented father's heart beating years past the life he wanted, and turns that…